If I can get my neck pain under control, I would love to try shoe shoeing for the first time. If I can get to a point of regular workouts without needing to stop before I’m finished, I’m going skiing at some point this winter. If I can convince one interviewer that I’m a quality hire, I’m still hoping to land a dream type job so I can have a career to be proud of. Here is the thing, if life tells me none of these things are possible then so be it. All that means is I need to redefine my chronic life to match the circumstance of that moment. Hopefully I’ll have a working furnace at that point, so I don’t have to go to a coffee house every day in order not to freeze.

Chronic Pain Mindfulness - Moments change which means we must be ready for the next one quickly, we can’t still be working through yesterday or else today’s pain will be much worse. For me, that is CBT and mindfulness in a nutshell. By staying in the moment, my OxyContin and Nucynta ER only must work on the now and not have to fight through the baggage of yesterday's pain too.

Life changed my life simply by continuing to life, my head hurts after typing and processing that statement. Maybe if I can continue to focus on today, this current run, instead of focusing on what a doctor told me many yesterdays ago, I can continue to have a great life while at the same time having the necessary opioid and Advil skis to get through the bad days. This is the true antidote to any change life events might send my way.

Care shouldn’t be determined by a popular movement; care shouldn’t be determined by the size of one’s checkbook either. The reality is care is too often determined in our country by forces constructed by others and not by the want of a higher quality of life.

10 minutes is a stop light, it’s a boss asking an extra question in a meeting, it’s an extra car in line at Black Rock Coffee Bar, you mean to tell me I’m not worth 10 minutes. You mean that after 10 plus years of being a loyal patient, who has consistently paid my bill on time, who has patiently waited hours upon hours in your waiting room, I’m not worth the same courtesy in return. Trust isn’t a top-down idea, trust only works if it’s a two-way enterprise. What this says healthcare is that I’m not even worth 10 minutes of trust. Tell me again why I should allow you to inject me with a needle, recommend powerful medications for which I must trust you since I don’t understand the chemistry, or even surgery when you are telling me I’m not worth the trust of 10 minutes. This is why the us vs them mentality on social media explodes and thus affects other patients who are just trying to raise their own quality of life! There is a ton of consequence in those 10 minutes for which you are willing to magnify for a lousy $50.

Pain. It’s an odd part of the human experience. As I know all too well, pain hurts. In some cases, pain can severely hurt us as humans. Pain is also an educational tool. Thanks to pain, we all know we shouldn’t play with fire or that drinking expired milk is not something we should be doing. To be inclusive and fair to all, pain can be pleasurable for some from what I understand. Horrible people who belong on Criminal Minds use pain as a form of torture. Pain can also be used for discipline or punishment. And of course, there is chronic pain. Chronic pain can severely hurt me, educate me on my rheumatoid arthritis disease activity, and teach me what my poor damaged body can and can’t do at any moment. As much as I might try to trivialize pain for my own mental health, chronic pain is a dynamic and essential part of my current life today and for the foreseeable future. The million-dollar question is, how might we turn the art of my vulnerability, this blog post, into knowledge and understanding for all.

I’m glad John was able to receive that understanding and relief a diagnosis provides before he passed away. To many patients don’t get this relief. After a life lived helping those around him feel less alone in a world that loves to forget individuals, John earned an A in the classroom of life. I would also like to say “thank you” to John, you provided me with the foundation necessary so I could I’m glad John was able to receive that understanding and relief a diagnosis provides before he passed away. To many patients don’t get this relief. After a life lived helping those around him feel less alone in a world that loves to forget individuals, John earned an A in the classroom of life. I would also like to say “thank you” to John, you provided me with the foundation necessary so I could understand and work towards the value and necessity of human centered problem solving. I’m a better person and patient advocate because you decided to give me a chance all those years ago.

In many ways, the life of a chronic pain patient is like the experience of life. Who, what, when, where and the why of our soul will be different in 10 minutes or 10 years, just like it is after the experience of life. Our illnesses might be invisible, but our experience is very much public. Whether it is wearing a bandage after a surgery, family or friends judging us for utilizing opiates for pain management or experiencing the pain of an epidural so we can experience life with a bigger smile, a life in pain can be a very visible wicked twisted road. The good news our chronic pain adventure has earned us the right to bad days, weeks or even months but we are still entitled to a great life experience.

Business is cool, thanks to business I’m creating this post on an insanely cool laptop while hoping my phone will ring with a dream job offer while drinking a flavored coffee. Not one of these things, not one, was created with the hope of making my quality of life better. It was all created for the soul purpose of taking money out of my wallet and putting it into a business wallet. By contrast, Medicaid members are fellow humans who don’t have the financial resources for essentials like good food, laptops, or access to quality healthcare. They don’t care about laptops or flavored coffee; they need protection and care just like the Department of Defense or the orange one gets from our system. Business purpose is to generate value and profits, government’s purpose is to bring everyone together so no one, NO ONE, is left behind.